I’m really talking about this.

Yes, it’s uncomfortable, kind of wierd that my PG rated blog is going there. But the struggle is real. And you guys know I’m all about being real over here. Because trying to figure out your sex life while you and your husband are raising babies is a tough one.

 

One of the things that I have loved about this little space of the Internet is how much you all have interacted with me; you’ve been vulnerable enough to email me with questions and struggles that you are facing every day. Heck, some of you have even exchanged phone numbers with me. And we’ve talked and walked through some hard stuff together. One of the things that has come up time and time again in our conversations is sex while you’re raising babies. Because (ha!) obviously the two go together.

I thought I could talk a little bit today about some things that have worked for me. And my friends. And you. Things that can make sex fun AND enjoyable while you are raising those sweet kids that got here because of that thing you did that one night that you’re so desperately wanting to be normal again. Because sex while you are raising little kids CAN be hard… But it doesn’t always have to be.

Here are some things to keep in mind and try when you’re trying to figure out your new sex life while raising babies.

1. Recognize it’s just going to be different

I don’t know about you, but having kids changed me. Not only did my lady regions change, but my energy, my mind set and my heart. But recognizing that and not having unrealistic expectations is the best place to start.

2. Talk about it

Not only did things change for me, but they did for my husband as well. Chances are things might be different for him, too, and he may be a little nervous to tell you that. Talk about what you’re feeling, communicate while you’re having sex and get a game plan together.

Speaking of game plans….

3. Schedule it out

For me, knowing I was going to have sex ahead of time was a game changer. It gave me something to look forward to, gave me a timeline of when to shower and get ready (ha!) and helped me schedule my day accordingly. This was hard for us, because before kids sex was spontaneous and surprising. But in those early newborn months, this was so helpful! It’s even helpful now during really busy seasons of our lives when my husband is out working more than usual, so this may be something good for those of you who you or your husband regularly travel.

4. Try something new

I don’t know about you, but things did feel different to a certain extent after having kids. Experimenting with new positions, talking through what felt good and what didn’t was key. It may be a little uncomfortable at first, but better to say what’s on both of your minds and be able to figure out what you both enjoy rather that assuming what you used to do still is best.

5. Flirt during the day

This is the one that changed things for me. Sometimes as a mama, especially one that stays home, I’m touched, grabbed, spit on and violently mauled hugged all day by my kids. It can be hard for me to go from that environment all day to having to push a button and be ready for intimacy with my husband. Fact of the matter is, I’m no sex unicorn. Some days, I’d rather just curl up on the couch and not be touched at all by anyone, including my man, no offense to him. But flirting during the day can really change your attitude towards sex. Send him a flirty text, wrap your arms around him at dinner or lay a big one on him. Because really, when was the last time you gave your husband a long, passionate kiss? If your answer is “the last time we had sex,” try spontaneously giving him one during the day, and I mean really go in for it… I can guarantee you it will catch him off guard and both of your minds will start to shift in the right direction.

6. Go get something that makes you feel beautiful

I’m not talking Victoria’s Secret model beautiful, but you and your man kind of beautiful. For me, finding lingerie that fit my mama body type and letting my husband help me pick them out was so fun. And the fact that he came along and was interested made it even better. It’s hard to embrace the way our bodies change after having kids, but having something that you feel comfortable in can make all the difference in the world. And just think about what a great surprise your husband will get when you take off your yoga pants and spit-up t-shirt to reveal what’s beneath? You rock it, mama! 

7. Take time away

Hire a sitter, drop the kids off at grandmas, get out of town overnight, do whatever it takes to be alone. So often, we mamas get so consumed by our littles that we have a hard time shutting off our mom brains and putting on our wife brains. But our guys need our attention, just like we need theirs. And getting uninterrupted time for just the two of you to be intimate may be just what you need.

So there you go. If you find you and your husband trying to get your groove back while you are raising those sweet little people, give some of these a try. We were created to enjoy intimacy with our husbands, even after the kids come along. And your sex life, and your marriage, is SO WORTH IT.