Being gentle in our marriages can be quite the task can’t it, ladies? Whether you find yourself in a busy season of life and your patience is wearing thin, you don’t have enough left at the end of the day to peacefully work through your problems or he just plain doesn’t “get it,” we all have had our reasons for not being gentle wives. And while some of these reasons are valid for us to be frustrated with, it doesn’t mean we have to act on our emotions and just “let him have it.”
You know what I mean. You’ve been there and so have I.
Over the next few days we are going to be challenged with some practical tools of how to be more gentle with our husbands. And by practicing these things in our marriages, not only will our husbands feel the positive effects, but you will too.
This week there are THREE things that we are going to focus on together. But before you accept your challenges, let’s talk about the reasoning behind them.
1. Being gentle in our words
I’m not sure if you’ve ever been perpetually nagged at by someone, but it isn’t fun. And as wives, we have power in the gentleness of our words. What I mean by that, is that we can say the exact same things two different ways and get completely different results when communicating with our husbands. And we can do this by not nagging. Let me give you an example.
It’s getting near bed time and I’ve already asked my husband once to get the kids into their pajamas while I’m finishing up the dishes from dinner. Ten minutes have passed and no children are in their pajamas, but my husband is sitting on the couch browsing on his phone. I have two options.
“Seriously, I asked you ten minutes ago to get the kids in their pajamas. Get off your dumb phone and get them ready for bed!”
“Hey honey, it’s about the kids bedtime now, it would be so helpful if you would get them in their pajamas while I’m finishing these dishes. Thank you for helping me.”
That sounds different, doesn’t it? It’s not beating around the bush, it’s not letting anything slide, but it’s simply asking with gentleness and already showing thanks before the job is done. I know that I’ve asked questions both ways to my husband. And I’m telling you, the latter type of requests have gotten me way better responses than the first. But it’s because I chose to not nag. Our tone, our choice of words and the way we respond to our men have a huge impact on their hearts and reactions to us. Let’s use our words wisely!
2. Being gentle in our submission
So often, we women find it easy to let our opinions (about anything) be known, especially to our husbands. But what we have to remember is that while our opinions are so valuable, that our husbands are still to be the head of our households and we are to humbly respect them. It is not our jobs to belittle their decisions, bully them into making choices they don’t agree with, or simply make them feel like we don’t respect them. Either way, it’s not our job to make them feel less than who they were designed to be. And that’s the head of our homes and our families.
3. Being gentle in the bedroom
Bow-chicka-wow-wow. No but for real. You may be thinking, “Gosh, there she goes talking about sex again.” But friends IT’S SO IMPORTANT!! Maybe it doesn’t seem like the place for this topic to be, but let me assure you that it is. Now let’s be honest for a second, most men do not require an abundance of coddling in the gentleness department. But one thing that they do need is gentleness in ushering in healthy sex lives in our marriages. Here are a couple of ways we can do this.
*We can initiate. There is no action that shows physical interest and love more to our husbands than initiating sex. And I can almost bet that they don’t want to be the ones initiating every time. So maybe it’s out of your comfort zone, but step up your bedroom game and make it known when you want it, too.
*If you do decline, do it gently. Don’t just roll over, don’t make a snarky remark, just be honest. If he’s putting himself out there to be with you, there’s no reason you can’t kindly say “no.”
*Physical touch outside of the bedroom. Again, most men don’t need to be mauled, but a touch on the arm, resting your hand on his leg or an extra long hug and kiss when he walks in the door can go a long way. Showing that you’re interested throughout the day can gently speak volumes to your husbands heart in a way he was designed to feel as a man.
So there we go wife friends. Are you up for putting into practice gentleness in our marriages? And let’s not forget, this isn’t just for the young married ladies out there. Our men at all ages need gentleness from us. And with one another for encouragement and Biblical wisdom at our side, we can be gentle wives for His glory!
“Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others” Philippians 2:1-4