My husband and I have a super traditional marriage. No, I’m not a door mat. No, he’s not a dictator.
But I do beat the dust out of the door mats. And scrub the toilets, and clean the floors, and do the laundry, and cook the meals, and dust the mantle, and wash the windows, and do the dishes… Just to name a few. And he does dictate a lot of what we eat. I ask him every Sunday night what he wants me to cook for the week and I make my grocery list.
He works hard and brings home the bacon and I fry it up to make our favorite loaded bacon cheeseburgers.
And that’s how it works.
Now if you’re wondering, no, I haven’t lost myself. On the contrary, I’ve found the one who makes me more myself than anyone I’ve ever known. And if you’re wondering if I still get the chance to be my own person because of our traditional marriage, the answer is simple.
No, I’m not my own person.
Because when we took our vows over 8 years ago, I said goodbye to “just me,” and hello to a new unit of ONE. But here’s why it works.
He leads me. He doesn’t push. He doesn’t pull. He gently leads.
He walks about a half a step ahead of me. Not behind me. Not way out in front of me. Not even right beside me. Just a half a step ahead. Ahead enough to lead and protect, close enough to hold my hand.
So when a big financial decision comes around, the final choice is his. But only after we’ve sat down and talked it out. And when it was time to make a big move and change his job, he was the one who chose the time. But only after months and months of listening to my heart and allowing me to be as ready as he was. And when my heart was shrouded in darkness and I couldn’t find my way, he didn’t try to push me out of it. He gently led. He continues to lead. Steady and true, kind and gentle.
And when he comes home from bringing in that bacon, he plays on the floor, and chases the kids, and clears the dishes, and bathes the babies, and changes the lightbulbs. And he loves me so stinking well. Because he strongly leads me in gentleness. And that’s why submitting to gentle leadership makes my traditional marriage work.
And just in case you are wondering, I don’t have to respond to him with a, “Yes, sir.” Unless he is hinting at heading to the bedroom.
And then it’s like, “Yes, SIR!”