I met somebody online. His name is Amazon Prime. And I think it’s more than just a fling.
It all came on so suddenly. I thought it was just a one time thing, but after the first time using you, I just knew it wouldn’t ever be enough. And the faster that my fingers type, the more I can see just how much you have to offer.
Rotating Christmas tree stand? You have 53 options.
Hachimals? You always have them in stock.
Kate Spade bags? Your color options are limitless.
Every pair of booties that I will ever need for the rest of my life? You can always find them for me in my size.
And that one thing that my hard-to-buy-for-husband actually WANTS? You have that, too. And you totally made his Christmas.
Not only do you have everything that I need, but you do it with free 2 day shipping. Variety AND speed. Where have you been all my life? And to make it even better, you refund my money if you don’t deliver after the 2 day mark. Talk about a guy who follows through!
And that name – Amazon Prime. You even SOUND exotic and surprising. But the most surprising thing? You love me best in my yoga pants and a 2-day old messy bun. I don’t have to look presentable or go anywhere to meet you; you meet me on my couch. Or in bed in the middle of the night. Or on the toilet. You always come to me with your flashy flash deals and warehouse bargains in a moment of need. You just suck me in so easily. And if being easy is wrong, then I don’t want to be right.
A.P., I know we’ve only been seeing each other for the last few months, but I think it’s safe to say that this is more than a fling. We’re a thing. And I’m pretty sure that you really do make this the most wonderful time of the year to be an Amazon Prime Member.
Love, a wife and mama in her yoga pants on the couch