Is it just me or does 28 seem WAY older than 27? Another year closer to the big 3-0. I always thought that number seemed so old, but now I’m retracting that statement 🙂
This is been a really full year for me, certainly one I am never going to forget. It was a busy time staying home with Nora, working PRN at the clinic, selling our house in Olathe, finding out we are pregnant again and moving to a whole new life here in Nebraska. There has been lots of growing, changing and adapting, laughing, crying and more laughing. And I wouldn’t change a single moment of any of it.
As I reflect over the past year, I am overwhelmed at just how blessed I truly have been, no matter what circumstance I have found myself in; how indescribably thankful my heart is for where I am this very day. The fact that Eric and I are living out our dreams together, that I have the ability to stay home and raise our children, the fact that we are all healthy and happy is something that I am beyond grateful for. With out a doubt, it has taken hard work on both of our parts, a considerate amount of prayer and God’s grace to get us where we are. There have been ups and downs along our journey, and there will be many more along the way, but we are so fortunate to be facing them together.
I’m not sure if it’s the pregnancy hormones or the fact that the past year has brought up a fair amount of heart searching, but I am passionate, and usually outwardly emotional, about being a wife, mom and Christ follower. Jesus captured my heart at a young age and I have been striving to keep him the #1 priority in my life and grow in Him ever since. He prepared me to meet my husband, Eric, the man that He designed for me to love for the rest of my life, and from that love we have our sweet little Nora Sue and another one on the way.
I was recently reading another blog that, to put it kindly, bashed everything that I stand for and who I am as a woman: a wife, a mom and a Christian. As I was reading, I felt my heart racing, my palms sweating and my face growing angrier by the second. As I continued reading, I noticed my heart softening, tears rolling down my face and a sudden sympathy for the blog’s author. For one reason or another, her heart was obviously scorned towards the gospel and everything that a Godly home represented. My heart hurt for her because she didn’t seem to understand just how much joy that being these things could bring her, or how much joy and completion that Jesus could put in her heart. It made me recognize, again, the purpose and calling I have in being those things.
I have always known that I wanted to get married. And when I got married to Eric, my heart started to change. It wasn’t necessarily just Eric impacting my life, but the fact that God was transforming my heart to honor and respect him in a way I didn’t know I could, the way that God created wives to love their husbands. It took me a while to feel this way, I but I find great purpose and joy in doing things for him – doing his laundry, cleaning the house, fixing his meals, etc. God has shown me that my place in our marriage is to be submissive and respectful to him. Again, this has not always been easy to do, and I still falter daily in having a happy attitude while doing these things, but God has truly softened my heart to being Eric’s helper in life, no matter what that entails. I love being his wife.
I never knew that I could love someone so deeply before I had Nora. It’s a different love than what I feel for Eric, but it is so strong. Becoming a mom is unlike anything I can truly describe. God has taught me so much this year about my reliance on Him in raising our girl, right down to those basic everyday things in caring for her. Before having Nora, I had this beautiful idea of what motherhood would look like, and while there are numerous moments that live up to that fairy tale story, there have been lots of hard moments in between. In the first few months of motherhood, it took me a while to realize that loving my daughter was simply in keeping her alive (seriously, you laugh, but until you’ve been there you have no idea!). But the thing is, that from the moment Nora was laid on my chest, it automatically became not about me. Changing diapers, wiping booger noses (or having them wiped on you), fighting temper tantrums, trying to get her to sleep, watching my body change before my eyes, rocking her sickly little body in the middle of the night, never getting to sit through an entire church service uninterrupted….I wouldn’t change a thing. Because every time she sees me drive up in my red mini van and runs at me screaming, “Mama! Mama! Mama!” Or every time I dance with her around the room to the “Hot dog” song, or when she grabs out at our hands when her Daddy says,” Let’s pray,” or when she snuggles on my lap in the early morning hours in her footed jammies or when she finally takes a bite of her chicken finger strips at lunch after 30 minutes of coaxing, it makes every single hard moment disappear. And in those moments, I recognize that I was truly made to be a mother. And I love being her mom. So much that we decided to make another one. God made me for these babies and I love them both so much.
The fact of the matter is, through all of that rambling, that this year has taught me so much, especially about being a wife and mom and how God wanted to use me in those roles. And this past week I have, again, recognized that I am so blessed to be exactly where I am right now. God has been preparing my heart for this past year for a long time. And I honestly couldn’t find be filled with more joy in how year 27 turned out. I’m so excited for what my 28th year will bring and I’m eager to see where God is going to provide opportunities for me to serve Him, both inside and outside of our home.