This past week has been….so hard. I was already having quite a few emotions with everything moving related the past couple of weeks, but then I received a heartbreaking email from one of my dearest friends Katie. At 6 months pregnant, she and her husband BJ lost their little boy. There are no words to convey the sorrow that flooded my heart at that moment, and I can’t even imagine what Katie was feeling that day.
The rest of the week unfolded with many events. Katie went in to be induced to deliver their precious boy. Grant Carl was born on October 9th, weighing a whole pound and just over 12 inches long. We had the opportunity to celebrate the beautiful life of this little boy on Saturday, with a heart felt service and lovely lunch afterwards. I can not describe the strength and faith that Katie and BJ showed, not only at the service when they spoke of their son and unyielding faith in the Lord, but the strength they showed through the whole week.
I had asked numerous times if there was anything that I could do for her as a friend. I wanted to make sure that I wasn’t being too intrusive, trying to be sensitive to the situation and the space they needed, but I desperately wanted to do SOMETHING to help. Sometimes all you can do is pray…but I have to honestly admit, sometimes that doesn’t seem like enough, and it didn’t for me this week. I asked Katie if she had anything to wear for the service, and she said that she had no idea what she was going to wear. So I headed over to Zuzu’s and loaded up my big red hooptie van with about 15 outfit choices for this beautiful mama to try on. And wouldn’t you know it, she just looked fabulous in each one. She loved all of the choices, but ended up going with a green and black chevron wrap dress and paired it with some adorable black boots. I happen to have the same dress, so I totally approved of her choice 🙂
During the hours I spent with her on Friday afternoon, she shared with me about her beautiful son. His delivery, how perfect his little body was, the special time that she and BJ had with him that afternoon. We laughed, we cried, we held hands. It was friendship at the rawest. It was a beautiful time we spent together. She talked about God’s goodness and His sovereignty, His love and His comfort. I went over there that afternoon to encourage a dear friend who was hurting, but in the end, I walked out of that house with my heart full and my spirit renewed.
Katie is one of the most intentional people you will ever meet. She is a wonderful wife and phenomenal mom. And she is just as great of a friend. She is one of those people who you look at, see her joy, and want to have the same glow that she does. She loves God with her whole heart and always spurs others on to love Him more. Her husband is the exact same way. We are so blessed by their friendship. And that is why I struggled this week, asking God why He allowed this to happen to them.
I have realized this week that even though it isn’t fair that Grant isn’t here with us, even though he was taken entirely too soon, that does not change that God is still on His throne. It doesn’t change the fact that our God is One of comfort and peace. It only confirms that we KNOW that little Grant is one of the many little children sitting at the feet of Jesus today. He is in the presence of Jesus. And Katie and BJ will see their little one again someday, but this time it will be for forever.
Friends, God is sovereign. God is able. God is peace which passes all of our understanding. And God is holding Grant at this very moment. We ended the service Saturday with possibly the most perfect song ever: Jesus Loves Me. As we stood and sung the words to the beloved Sunday School/middle of the night feeding song, I wept. I wept knowing that little Grant is up in heaven. And then I smiled, picturing Grant as one of the littlest voices of the children’s choir, singing praises to Jesus. We love you, sweet Grant. Jesus loves you, this I know.