Yesterday I did one of my favorite things ever. I got my hair did! There is nothing quite like it and I always feel like a whole new Momma when I walk out the salon doors. After subtle hint dropping the past few weeks, it came to my attention that Eric misses my long hair and bangs. Well short hair, we gave it another go. So back to the swooping bangs and a long term plan of growing out my locks. I’d do just about anything for that guy, let me tell ya what!
While I was sitting in the chair, sipping on my Coke and catching up on all things Celeb Smut, I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned around to see an old friend from my grade school days. Even though we haven’t seen each other in about a year, we picked up right where we left off last. We sat there and chatted while we got beautified and caught up about all of the new changes in our lives. Her a huge job promotion and new house, and me becoming Mommy to Nora.
A little bit of background, before having Nora, I worked at my dream job as a nurse at a Hem/Onc clinic here in Olathe. It is primarily an outpatient chemo clinic, but we do a plethora of other very important things: we sing and dance for good scan results, we hold people when they get news that their treatment isn’t working, we coordinate their care when they move to hospice, we manage their pain and yucky chemo symptoms and we give lots of hugs smiles. I was blessed enough to get this position pretty quickly after my graduation and have worked there for 5 years. So when it came time to have my baby, I decided to mainly stay at home and work PRN one day a week. Due to significant drop in census, they have only needed me three days since giving birth to Nora.
Even though we were not expecting this change financially, it has certainly been the biggest blessing to me as a mom. Now that I have been a SAHM for almost 10 months, I have learned the value of a single day. If I would have worked even just one day a week since having Nora, I would have missed out on 30 days of Nora’s ever changing life. That’s a month. Umm…. that’s a lot! That’s 30 mornings of not going in to pick her up out of her crib when she wakes up in the morning and being the first person she sees. That’s 30 mornings of not cuddling on the couch with a sleepy eyed baby after opening the windows and saying “Good morning” to Mr. Sun. That’s 30 days of not taking morning walks together. That’s 30 days of potentially missing Nora’s milestones, like waving, crawling, clapping and giving high-5’s. That’s 30 days of not being able to anxiously wait on the front steps for Eric to get home from work and have dinner ready for him when he gets home. That’s a whole month away from my little girl. And once that time is gone from her, I can’t ever get it back again. And after they put our little girl on my chest that September morning, I knew that she was where I was meant to be.
I explained all of this to my friend, and she looked at me, extremely shocked, “But you were so GREAT at your job! You loved it! Your job totally made you the person who you are. It DEFINED you!” She didn’t get it. And it made my heart sad.
I certainly don’t want this post to sound judgmental, gracious no. I know that staying at home isn’t for everyone. I also know that some women desperately want to stay at home, but are not able to, for one reason or another. Even harder, I know a lot of women who long to have children, but are unable to. But as it is, I am ABLE to stay at home. I have the ability to choose whether I work or not. And I have chosen home. As we prepare to celebrate Nora’s 1st birthday in just 2 short months (holy cow!! already?!?), I am so glad that I can look back and say that I have absolutely no regrets in how I have spent my time the past 10 months. Yes, sometimes I miss adult conversation. Heck, I even miss accessing ports and starting IV’s. But I am proud to say that this is what I do now, even if it’s getting up every hour the past 2 nights with a tearful, teething baby. This is what defines me now. This is the job that makes me the person I am now. This is the life that I love. From the highest high to the lowest low, I am confident my choice.